Last week I asked, “What would you like to see changed in our democratic society?” What do you want our country to be known for throughout the world? The platform I am using toward advocating for change means that we who are eligible will exercise our right to vote. Go to www.co.pickens.sc.us/Voter.ASP to register if you have not done so. When our country celebrated Independence Day this year, I attended a family reunion cookout in Georgia. One of my friend’s sons shared with me his opinions about psychology, politics and personal growth. I reminded him that he was free because he could sit and openly share his ideas without threat of being recorded and his words used against him. I said that he could voice his opinions without fear of punishment and as such is free. Do you feel free? If not, begin to identify what is holding you back and preventing you from freedom. I hope that you are taking steps to become free. Call me and let’s discuss it. Hope to hear from you soon.

Dear Dr. King: As a psychologist, would you allow your child to be unsupervised with an adult who has expressed a desire to work in the porn industry? D.C., Walhalla, S.C.

Dear D.C.: If this person supports child pornography, I would do everything in my power to make sure that he or she had no access to any children. If the person supports adult porn, but respects the innocence and development of children, I may not have a problem trusting them with my child. There are adults I know who participate in adult entertainment but strongly want children protected from predators and compromising situations. Overall, if I had any negative concerns about a person, I would not allow my child or any vulnerable person to be with someone I did not trust.

Dear Dr. King: What is the best way to get an entire organization to change its methods? S.L., Anderson, S.C.

Dear S.L.: Change may occur when there is a major crisis — a lawsuit, change in market forecasts, financial improprieties, death of a CEO — in an organization. Also, change may occur when a company begins to want to plan ahead for the future and be a contender for the future markets. Overall the best way for an entire organization to change is for a strong, capable leader to be appointed/hired to bring change into effect. A strong leader mandated for change can make a difference in the success of organizational change.

Dear Dr. King: If we are suppose to forgive and forget, what are steps to be able to forget? What are the steps to being okay with the problem after having forgiven? T.E., Anderson, S.C.

Dear T.E.: I do not tell clients to forgive and forget; I meet them where they are. Forgiveness can occur before there are any feelings to support the action and long before you forget the pain of the injustice and hurt you suffered. Time can be your friend. First, forgive your offender and allow yourself the time you need to process the degree of hurt and what it will mean not to hold your offender responsible for hurting you. Next, seek not to dwell on the hurt as much as you focus on your decision to be healthy and whole. Lastly, you may never forget how much you were hurt or who hurt you; what I hope happens in time is that you forget the intensity of the pain.

Dr. Debra A. King is a Licensed Professional Counselor and Professional Counselor Supervisor in the Upstate. You may reach her at askdrdebraking@aol.com or directorofthecommunitycenter@yahoo.com.