As June comes to a close, I hope that the fathers who read this column have had a special month. I end the month with a degree of solemnity as I honor a father who has buried two sons — the most recent this last week. To Dr. Romando James, his wife Mrs. Elouise James and his family, I extend my deepest sympathy at the recent loss of your oldest son. If it is true that trials and sorrow help to determine whether we are people of depth or people with shallow centers, the test of Dr. James as a father will surely tell in time. His 38-year-old son Keenan died last week due to complications caused by diabetes. I am learning more about the problems that one faces when living with diabetes, and I want to be more informed as time goes on. As I salute this father who has suffered so much loss, I want to share with you how this family wants to pay tribute to their son’s life. The James’ family is supporting a scholarship fund for a special camp for children living with diabetes. Camp Adam Fischer is located at the R.M. Cooper 4-H Leadership Center in Summerton, S.C. (http://www.campadamfisher.com/more_info.html). You and I can donate to the “Keenan Fund” by making checks payable to the Clemson University Fund and earmarking the contribution: Attn: Keenan Fund, and mailing it to the Youth Learning Institute, 698 Concord Church Road, Pickens, SC 29671. Steve Nichols is the contact person for this effort; reach him at 864-650-3933. If you have diabetes, or know someone who does, make health and reduced stress a priority. Let’s work together to manage illness and prevent disaster as best we can. Please let me know how I can be of assistance to you and your family.

Dear Dr. King: How can you help someone correct negative behavior? Ms. C., Easley

Dear Ms. C.: The first task is to determine the degree to which the negative behavior is causing problems in a person’s life. If the person comes for counseling, I seek to gain as much information about them and their life as possible. It would be unwise to seek to correct negative behavior without information about its origin, longevity, reinforcement and the client’s motivation to change. Once I have this information, I might seek to discuss alternatives and encourage the client to try a new approach. Behavioral and cognitive change — a new attitude and outlook — can help a client replace negative behaviors with positive ones.

Dear Dr. King: How would you deal with someone who thinks they know everything and is therefore ignorant to other people’s options and beliefs? C.B., Piedmont, S.C.

Dear C.B.: I would seek to be very patient and non-confrontational with such a needy individual. Persons not able to allow for individual differences in others and who fail to be “tolerant” may have wounds and unresolved issues related to their identity and sense of self. When dealing with this “know it all,” think to yourself — “He is speaking from a heart of hurt saying: Accept me, listen to me, and value me.” The next time you interact with him, listen beyond his words; your conversation will go very differently.

Dear Dr. King: Do your patients’ problems affect your services? T.D., Easley, S.C.

Dear T.D.: I am less alert and attentive when I am tired, and difficult emotional cases take more energy than simple evaluations. My private practice is small, and I have different types of client problems to address. The main way that my services are affected negatively by my clients’ problems is that I may be too tired to complete, in what I consider a timely manner, the paperwork needed for follow-up, insurance, referrals and legal matters. I have learned not to take on my clients’ problems as my own; if I get too bogged down, I seek help from other professionals and my mentors.

Dr. Debra A. King is a Licensed Professional Counselor and Professional Counselor Supervisor in the Upstate. You may reach her at askdrdebraking@aol.com or directorofthecommunitycenter@yahoo.com