Barb edited my Kudzu Corner entitled “Heavenly Daze,” which sparked a lively debate between Barb and myself in which she proved to be correct on every point.

That means Barb is now batting a thousand against a legendary pitcher (me), who is a lousy grammarian. This piece, however, will be about how things ought to be. Now, who can argue with that? Well, maybe Barb can, but since I plan to remain above the fray, so to speak, she won’t have anyone to argue with. This article goes as is.

English is the most expressive language ever devised, but sometimes the rules interfere, as Rule #1 (paraphrased): Prepositions are something you don’t end a sentence with.” Strictly observed, Rule #1 can be trouble, to wit: “Up is something with which Barb will not put.” Grammatically correct, but a tad awkward.

The words upon which Barb and I disagreed, and upon which she and Maria proved to be correct, were (my spelling): “bran” as in “bran new,” “Heavenly” and “Bible.” Barb averred, and Maria agreed, that the correct term was “brand-new” or “bran’ new,” with an apostrophe.

“Not so,” said I. “Bran new” is the term I have used all my life. No “brand,” no apostrophe. “Bran” is a perfectly good word for meaning “the outer husk of grain,” which is shiny and crisp and fits logically with “new.” “Brand” is a logo; something you put on a cow’s rump with a hot iron and has nothing to do with crisp, shiny or new.

Barb and Maria, however, had a powerful ally in Noah Webster, and no matter how logical my thinking was, they were technically correct. Doesn’t make sense to me, but there you are. Noah done me in, the rat.

How about the other two words, “Heavenly” and “Bible?” Barb and Maria both contended that neither should be capitalized. WHAT! They are much more faithful churchgoers than I. They should know “Bible” and “Heaven” are always capitalized.

Even “Satan,” a proper name by my reasoning, should be capitalized, though the rules say otherwise. Satan doesn’t get very good press.

Barb says, “Bible” should not be capitalized unless preceded by “Holy.”

But I ask, “What kind of Bible do you think a preacher would be waving, a Stoger’s Gun Bible? A preacher would be tarred and feathered waving such as that from the pulpit.”

“How about Heaven?” Barb replies. “It is not capitalized, even in the Bible!”

“Heaven is a place, like Peoria, Ill., which sure ain’t no Heaven,” I point out, “but Peoria gets a capital. Why not Heaven?” I reply with irrefutable logic.

“And ‘ain’t’ is a contraction of ‘am not,’ and is a lot more acceptable than ‘aren’t I’ which is nothing but a cop out for those too prissy to say “ain’t.”

Barb was proven correct by powerful allies Matthew, Mark, Luke and John, but she didn’t want to discuss “ain’t.”

This time the rules were on my side.

Gambrell759560@bellsouth.net

http://sciway3.net/scgenweb/oconee-county/gambrell