You know, a bleached-white-walls cubicle at a university library is not really conducive to penning a good blog entry (no matter the literary efforts of some of those who have written on the walls). I am realizing this after a week in which a lot of news happened, but I’m just not able to process it into anything serviceable or recognizable as a “column” for the week. I had something all done up about Sarah Palin, but I figure she’s gotten enough press lately. I don’t want to feed into her ego.

On the home front, I have one aunt dealing with kidney stones and another is dealing with some other medical thing which I am unqualified to diagnosis at this juncture (I just play a doctor on TV). My grandpa (the one that got shot at, if you recall) is going in for surgery next week on his knees. Truth be told, I’m feeling a little left out on the medical problems sweepstakes. Well, I am an alcoholic, but that hasn’t ventured into Dudley-Moore-as-Arthur territory yet (look it up, kiddies; it’s a film from the Eighties where Liza Minnelli is the love interest).

I’ve done some job searching, mostly in the sense of returning applications that I took from a couple of local businesses a month ago. I like to work slow, obviously. Also, I figure there’s a better chance of me being considered for a job if I actually complete the applications they give me. I also sent off an entry for a contest that McSweeneys is having for new columnists, and I’m hoping that if I don’t get the gig that they’ll at least let me keep the complimentary gift bag (so many nice soaps and creams from Bed, Bath and Beyond). Now I fear I may have jinxed myself by mentioning it here, but I need to fill up space for this to be a decent-length entry.

What else is going on? Well, there was the Jackson funeral/celebrity wake at the Staples Center in Los Angeles (a circus, no doubt, but oddly appropriate given Michael’s outsized personality). There’s Sarah Palin deciding that she wants more money, ahem, wants Alaska to have a governor that’s able to get things done for the rest of her term. President Obama is over in Italy, and the Cherokee county serial killer turned out not to be a relative of mine who kinda matched the eyewitness sketch (my apologies, Uncle Roy).

I’m afraid that’s about it, in terms of stuff I could write about. I apologize to anyone who’s read this far, but they can’t all be zingers. You’re gonna have a bum note or two in even the most intricate Jonas Brothers song (and here you were thinking I’d forget to make fun of them this week. For shame, you should know me better). Consider this my own personal “Cannonball Run II” in terms of blog entries. If this blog entry were a Star Wars character, it’d be the guy with the headband at Cloud City, the one who looked like Captain Picard in a bad mood. It’s not that good, is what I’m saying. But trust me, when the time comes next week to pick my brain apart for something blog-worthy, I’ll do better. Or I’ll just copy and paste Bill O’Reilly’s blog, whichever is easier. Next week: “Stuart Smalley Isn’t Good Enough, Smart Enough, for US Senate (Because Doggone, I Don’t Like Him).”

Until then, keep your feet on the ground and keep reaching for the stars.